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01/2017 (Breakthrough) Pushing Past The Pain



So I am here tonight feeling extremely compelled to finally sit down and get some of my thoughts off my chest. In the past expressing myself through journal or blog entries was something that I felt that was, extremely therapeutic and self fulfilling to me. Like anyone else in order to express yourself you must have something that sparks your thoughts of creativity, so that you can express yourself efficiently and effectively. I really wanted to sit down and unload all these unsettling ideas and thoughts that I have had, for awhile now but I truly felt that my thoughts were too scattered and I did not know exactly how or where to even start. We are now twenty seven days into the new year of 2017 and I refuse to procrastinate any longer about reintroducing myself to blogging again. I truly want to open up and share how I am feeling so that I can let go and release these thoughts that I have into the universe. Well to start off  I will stop myself from prolonging the objective of this blog and just get straight to the point. Since I have already wrote an entire paragraph explaining everything else but the main topic at hand I guess I should just get right to it. Ok so here I go lol, well as many of you all know I have been on a lifestyle change to work on the betterment of myself. Several years ago I reached my breaking point with my life. I at one point and time hated my life because, I felt that I was not at my fullest potential and it affected me both psychically and emotionally. I lost hope in happiness within myself and gave up on anything and everything that required me to push forward in my life. I compared myself to everyone else ashamed because of societal expectations of where I should be in life. Although I found myself masking my depression in eating and becoming antisocial, it got to the point where I did not want to get out of bed and do anything unless I really had to. I was consumed by many emotions and it became very difficult to control on my own. I would often break out into tears or be extremely upset, feeling like a short fuse ready to just go off on anyone because I just was an angry person. There were definitely things that triggered me and effected my self esteem and state of mind during this dark period of time in my life.  I definitely do plan to address those things in the near future but they are still raw emotions for me to go into detail about right now. Looking back at that period of time I must say that I realized that I really needed to pull through in order to change my life. If I didn't I felt that I would be at risk of loosing my life and I was tired and needed to change. I had to assess if I wanted to continue life like this or truly wake up and change my circumstances. I felt that I was allowing myself to self destruct and I needed to find the strength to move forward in order to take control of my life before it was too late. Although I wish I could take full credit of being able to push forward to where I am at this present moment, I must say it was God, my grandmother's spirit in heaven, my small circle of trusted loved ones, and the Internet that helped me overcome my lowest point in life. I can honestly say the process of changing took a long time and it was by no means an overnight process. What I also realized which is most important is that analyzing my issues followed by taking steps to address them is essential in moving forward. From there I had to realize that I had to believe in myself by thinking positively and that there is good in all situations. I then had to find things that made me happy which gave me, an outlet to express myself in a productive and creative way. Change isn't easy by any means so be prepared to be tested because it requires a lot of work. Take a risk on yourself and understand that you are worth taking a chance to do whatever it is that makes you happy. It is also important to realize that not everyone will aide to your journey of self improvement and happiness. Those who do not support or want to help you are the ones you need to stay away from. It is ok to have a small handful of people in your life because, I am a firm believer of quality over quantity. Believe it or not but in order to truly change and have a break through in life it must come from with in and you are in control of your destiny. My life isn't perfect and never will be but seeing the transition of overcoming one of the lowest points in my life to now being able to see my growth of happiness with myself has made we understand that anything is possible. I am want to express to you all that I am still on a quest of achieving everything and anything I have my mind set out to do, and nothing is impossible because I know that I can have it all if I want it all. Do not be ashamed of anything that you are going through or have went through because everything in life most importantly is a test of faith and we have the power to push forward and realize that there is a lesson in everything that we go through and we can rise above it all. Our circumstances will not define who we are it will instead acknowledge our inner and outer strength so that we can learn from them and push forward in life.

Thank you all for riding along with me on my journey of self growth and happiness. I know that we all will be tested, in life but keep in mind that the strongest will survive and we all are capable to overcome anything. Keep your head held up high and continue to fight against any setback that you may face and make it into a testimony. I love you all stay positive and be beautiful.

xoxo Tina

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