My Week/My Personal InsecuritiesHey my Luvs, this week was not the best for me at all. I had the worst menstrual cramps and literally every day my cramps has gotten worse. I literally overdosed on Midol and Tylenol the entire week not to mention I haven't had a lot of water because I felt so bloated (worst mistake ever). I had work so I had to suck it up everyday this week and I really felt so miserable in the process. I feel a tab bit better today but other than that I feel sleepy, cranky and extra hungry right now. I am really nervous about weighing in tomorrow and I have been avoiding the scale all week because I have had quite a few cheat meals (I truly have been such a bad girl :/ ). With all of that it is crazy because alot of people have been complimenting me on my weight loss but I still feel fat especially because this week I consumed alot of Carbs and the feeling of being bloated will have anyone feel like a huge balloon which is why I hate both combinations. I'll accept all compliments but inside I know that I still feel fat. I hate my gut and arms and I will be happy if I got serious and worked on getting rid of this excess fat and it would make me feel more confident in wearing certain things also. Not to mention I also have a love and hate relationship with my face. Some days I look in the mirror and feel that my face is fat other days I feel it is getting more defined. It is so crazy how one's perception can make or break your mood. I hate it and I wish I could continue to stay away from the mirror as much as I do because it is stressing me out. I still have to work on being and thinking positive but I am working hard on it and it is helping alot. I had such bad depression and anxiety at my heaviest weight and on a good note with the weight loss it has subdued alot, but at times I still get but it is nothing as extreme as before. The way I deal with moments of feeling down is by just going into shut down mode where I am deep in thought and quiet.I really want to just learn how to be more vocal with addressing it and moving on but sometimes you just react before thinking. I am a deep thinker and I'm always thinking and for the most part it is just about planning on focusing on bettering myself and how to motivate myself. I know that I came a long way and I am happy about that because I am not in that dark place that I was before. I practically went into hiding before starting my weight loss journey. I stayed to myself and remained as low key as possiblle. Now I am the the complete opposite but I am trying to become more social because I lost contact with alot of people because I was in such a negative place and didn't want to weigh anyone down with my sob stories lol. Now I feel that I am at a point where I am enjoying dressing up and wanting to be more social it is just about now finding people to hang out with and get to know. It is a work in progress but I am getting there and I have faith. I would love to meet new people to hang out with who have a positive frame of mind to life and enjoy shopping,health,fitness, no drama, going out etc. I plan to get myself out more and networking and enjoying life this summer so I am hopeful and excited
My WeekendYesterday I spent the night with a friend and we ended up going out playing pool and went drinking. I am not a drinker but I did have a drink and I really wanted to just get out of the house. I really had fun and this morning we went to the gym and we worked out for an hour also so that was great. I then went home and ate and went to sleep. I woke up with the worst headache and neck ache. Yes I know a mess right? anyway I noticed once you eat crappy you feel the same too and it is the worst feeling guilt wise aswell. It is all that I have been thinking about. Well anyway I am snapping out of it and starting off fresh tomorrow. Brand new day and a brand new outlook to things. I have to finish what I started. I need to have a cheat free clean diet and consistent work out plan no excuses. So I will be blogging as much as I can and taking it a day at a time.
Birthday Plans/New GoalsMy birthday is in a few weeks (June 12) and I will be going to Atlantic City and I want to look sexy and take alot of pictures and I need to buckle down and see if I can drop an additional -10 lbs from now to then, so I am planning to go into a focused zone to make that happen. My arms are still jiggly but it is what it is lol. I plan to work with what I have and make the best out of it. I know that I can still find cute outfits to wear to deminish my problem areas and that is what I plan to do. Although I envisioned this birthday to be the birthday that I could wear a sexy strapless dress and show off there is always my next birthday. However this year I plan to wear a short fitted dress with long sleeves or 3/4 sleeves. Anyway I am excited actually because Atlantic City should be fun from partying, shopping, drinking, eating, and everything entertaining. A mini getaway is just what I need so I can't wait.