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06/2013 Starting Over

Where I Have Been

Hey Luvs, I know it has been forever and a day since I have last  blogged. I am sure you all are used to me being a horrible blogger/vlogger and I apologize for that. I have not been able to get myself together for the longest time. This year has been an epic fail for me which is why I have been mia most of the time. I fell so deep in the pitfuls of life. From the ups and downs I have just been going through it. This year has been such a struggle for me in everyway in my life. From relationships, financial issues, career setbacks, and weight loss/weight gain problems. All I can is, whatever it is you can name happend to me is what exactly happend to me this year. Life can be so cold sometimes no matter how positive you try to be. I got to a point where I gave up and did not care anymore. As a result my weight suffered in a huge way and there is no denying it anymore. Asside from my struggles things are coming back to normal and I feel that I am now at a place where I can get back into my weightloss journey and start refocusing on getting my life back together. It has been really hard for me because I have been suffering from depression, sadness, and just being really emotional. I know that I can no longer continue being sad about my life because things can be so much worse and I need to appreciate what I have and realize everything is a blessing whether or not I may feel if it is a curse or not. I have been going to church and praying to stregthen myself and it is helping and so I thank the Lord for allowing to even make this effort to come out of my haitus and deal with the reality of things head on. So here I am baring all of my pain and wanting to release the denial of it all and move forward. I tend to remove myself from social networks and people when I am going through things so that I can just deal with everything on my own terms. It isn't the best way to cope but I am human and we all do things that may not be the best for us. I am slowly snapping out of it and I am here to let it go and restart all over.

To make a long story short I finally decided to get on the sacle because I have been hiding from it for so long but I know that I have gained a significant amount of weight because all of my size 14 clothing does not fit me anymore and I have noticed changes in my body reconfirming that I have gained alot of weight. Sad to say but I am fat all over again. No I am not at my heaviest weight but I am in the 200's again compared to being at my lowest which was 184 lbs. I do feel ashamed and I feel as though I let everyone down including myself. I have gotten comments from people who see me in person of them noticing my weight gain and it bothers me and makes me feel uncomfortable but it is what it is. I did this to myself and now I have to take care of this issue by myself. I feel so disgusting and uncomfortable most of the time. My boobs are huge again and when I begin to gain weight my body spreads and I become wide looking, So my booty which I didnt even know I had until I had lost all that weight is so weird looking now because of how my body spreads with weight gain and it is no longer round and plump :( it is now just wide and flat looking and I hate it lol. I hate that awkward fat stage but I did the damage so I have to do what I have to do to fix things. So with that being said I am starting all over again.

I am going back to the basics I will be Low Carbing and workingout atleast x4 times a week to start off with and. as I loose more weight I will increase my workout regime. I plan to not dine out as often and if I do I will stick to no carbing. I will have one cheat meal every two weeks. and I will weigh myself every week.  I would like to loose -10lbs at the end of my fourth week. I will take it month by month pound by pound and at the end of each month once I reach my goal I will reward myself with something nice like a massage etc.

So I plan to update as much as  possible, my blog goal is to blog atleast every other day. I know that blogging will help me get back into the swing of things. Thank you all for your support I love each and every one of you. I will not make any youtube videos until I feel camera ready so hopefully by my -20th pound mark I will. I just feel fat and frumpy and that is why I haven't taken photos of myself on Instagram but I know once I am feeling myself again which hopefully will be in a few weeks at most I will take selfie photos along with weightloss photos lol,  ughhh I really miss those but I feel that I let alot of people down and want to resecure myself on my diet before I post photos on IG.  Alot of people ask me on IG how I am doing and I feel like right now I dont want to put it out there and ginx myself. I will however upload photos on here of my diet and exercise along with my journal/blog entries reguarly because less people read my updates on here so it feels as though I am posting this for myself so I feel no pressure.

Day 1

Anyway today is day one for me and I had a Fruit Smoothie for breakfast and it was sooooo good. I used a handful of fruits, 8oz of water, half a banana, and half of a yogurt.

I was so amazing. It was quite filling aswell. I plan to have a fruit smoothie for breakfast and dinner. For lunch I will have a salad and I will have two snacks per day maybe three but they will include fruits,nuts, or a Oats and Honey Bar.
I worked out all ready so I am content, I did a half hour of Zumba and forgot to wear my fitness watch. I did however wear my slimmer belt. I will be on my feet walking around at work for 8hrs today so I will be very active today.The weather is so blah today because it is raining. Anyway check in with all again this week,

Have a great day.