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Acknowledgement Of My Downfall & Moving On (06/12)

Hey Luvs, sooooooooooo hmmmmmmmmm where do I start?. Well I have so much to say at the moment. I have been living in such guilt due to my current downfall on my weight loss journey. I know I am being really hard on myself but that is because my mindset and determanation has changed drastically with in the last several months. A part of me is in denial of it all and another part of me doesn't care which explains why I have gotten to this point to feel the way that I do. I have come way to far to let all my efforts go to waste. I used to be so disciplined with eating and exercise that now I do not know what discipline is. I have gotten accustom to doing really well all week and doing extremely bad on weekends that I really feel ashamed of myself. I know myself and I know my body and my clothes are getting tight on me. They fit but they are just tight on me. Not to mention I haven't weighed myself and I am really scared to. I know that I gained some weight and that is frightening. I need to be honest with myself and with you all so I can feel at ease with my emotional rollercoaster of emotions on this weight loss journey. It just frustrates me how long this weight loss journey is taking. Initially I knew it was going to be long but I am an impatient person so for me to stick it through this long is a miracle. I have a short attention span and these last several months has represented why my actions caused me to have a huge down fall. The weird thing is one day I will feel good about how I look and the very next day I don't. My stomach is poking out more and my thighs has gotten thicker and it is the main indication that I am gaining weight which is my wake up call.

I am acknowledging my downfall and from this point forward I want to work on it and move past it. The plan is to remind myself why I am doing this and to fight the inner deamons inside of me. I am going to go back to planning my meals and learning how to control myself on the weekends. I can not give in just because everyone around me can eat whatever they want. Everyone around me looks at me like I am crazy because I want to loose more weight. Fact is I am thick and I have heard several comments saying that I will not look right skinny to oh your fine the way you are etc so, I have become complacent and the truth of the matter is it is not about them it is about me and how I feel about myself . I want to get to a size 9/10 and that is it. It is my body and my life. I know if I do not get back on track I will be back at 260 lbs a size 20 and I can not have that and I will not have that. Everything I am doing is for me and the fact that I am aware of this and wanting to fix things shows how much this means to me. Many people who have anything negative to say about me are those who have not walked in my shoes and have not accomplished what I have so with that being said they are irrelevant. I am so ready to retransition my mind and body because I remember being so happy and so focused not to mention extremely confident no one could tell me anything lol.

Love you all and I will be back with a weigh in tomorrow and a weekly weigh in every single week, Thank you all for supporting me and being there for me you all are the best.

xoxo TinaDiva


Christina said…
I know what you mean about not feeling that determination and the kaleidoscope of emotions. It is somewhat like a roller coaster. You get high. Then it all rushes by you in excitement. Then you have to wait for it to happen again. Anticipation. That can have so many feelings connected to it.

What God started in you, will be accomplished according to His perfect will.

You look like a cute schoolgirl in your pic.

I love you,

I'm here for you.
Christina said…
"Forget Red Bull"
By Chistina

This is for you Tina:

She's riding on these roller coasters trying to catch the sky
You don't need a track, your wings have already taken flight

You can watch everybody coast on by
Fact of the matter is you weren't meant for their ride

So when they leave commentary on how great this is
Just look below: As your Wings reach for God's kiss

Sorry for using your comment space.
Christina said…
"For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope." (Jeremiah 29:11)
Nish Gibson said…
You will be fine just pick back up where you left of and refocus! At least you recognize the fall and can get back up again! Cheer up!
TinaDiva said…
@christina Awww thanks so much your such a doll.Your so right :)
@Nisha thanks and I will:)