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Why Do I Let Them Effect Me?

I try to be strong and in moments like this I find that it is so hard for me to do. I am always the one uplifting up others yet I can not even uplift myself up right now. I am only human and though words are just words, I would be lying if I told you they did not hurt. My question is why do people find it ok to bring down others? If you love someone why intentionally hurt them? What is it that you gain from bringing others down? I have humbled myself alot because I use to be the person who would go off on anyone and everyone who had something negative to say about me in front or behind my back. These days I try to be the bigger person and brush it off and not let it effect me but fact is it does. Lately I have experienced several people in my personal life who has made subliminal comments to me regarding my weight and I am tired of it. I am so tired of defending myself to people who clearly enjoy getting to me. Fact is I have struggled with my weight all of my life. Through the ups and downs each pound represented something significant in my life. I am finally at a place where I am taking better care of myself and I will continue to no matter what. I came such along way and this is just the beginning for me. I do not need others to pry and concern themselves with something that does not pertain to them. I would never intentionally hurt someone when clearly they are going through something. I find that being supportive and motivating is more effective then demeaning someone. I feel like I am being pushed to snap and trust me no one wants that because as much as I can be a real nice person it's the same way if I am crossed the wrong way because I can be the complete opposite. This is the reason why I keep away from certain people because they just bring me to a negative place and I hate that. I rather smile and be happy but it seems impossible at times. Fact is I am working towards becoming a healthier person and a happier person, I have made a tremendous amount of progress so to those who find it their business to comment and pry about what I do guess what ? all of that is over with TODAY!. I am sick of it and I will not engage in such conversation anymore. I owe no one an explanation with anything I do unless I willingly decide to. What I do does not concern anyone but me. You know what it is sad? I feel that I can express myself more through blogging and vlogging with you all  because many of you understand what it feels like. Those in my personal life I can't even express how I feel because they will never understand. I have tried over and over and they continue to do the samething. So from this point forward I will keep away and cut off all of those toxic people in my life. If all you bring is pain in my life is pain then I no longer want anything to do with you. Here I am at work and all I can do is just think about of all this. It hurts and I do not want to feel this way. I should be celebrating right now. I am -60 lbs lighter from the beginning of this year. Overall I have seen changes in my body and I feel better about myself. No one deserves to rob me from this moment. So with that being said to hell with them all.
I love all of you for supporting me and giving me an escape from it all. Seriously without it I would of resorted back to my old ways, of being an angry and emotional person. That is not me anymore and I have no tolerance for negative people in my life.

One thing I admire from my twin is that he is the complete opposite of me when it comes to dealing with negativity. He could careless what anyone has to say. He will cut someone off with no hesitations. He is a happier person because of being that way. Like he said, "not everyone will have your best intentions so don't expect it and no one deserves that satisfaction of getting a reaction from you". He is so right and thats why I love him so much. Thinking about it makes me tear because he is always there for me and always lifts me up and it means so much to me and although my family are practically estranged it feels good to have someone always have you back. Just because someone is you blood doesn't mean they love you anymore or less then someone on the street. One thing is for sure, I can count on my one hand who in my family I love and trust and with a big family that is sad.I just know once I am accomplished those negative people will then try to mend what was broken and it will be too late.

One thing I need to work on is being stronger. I am the type of person who thinks alot. I am always deep in thought and it takes me awhile to get over something and I know that is not healthy. I really need to work on it. Here I am at work pissed off and writing this. I am sure those negative people are not thinking about me and I should do the same. I am a work in progress so I am going to find ways to work on that.

I just needed to vent and this is the one therapeutic way I can express myself so thank you all for reading.


Just Daisy said…
Girl you can vent to us all you need! We are here to listen, I know its hard and disappointing to think that people really have that negativity in them but they do!

This is apart of the struggle to getting to where you want to be. Just block them out and keep on swimming. You got this in the bag!!

Listen, 60 lbs in less than a year? I don't hear them saying the same thing. Celebrate this moment for life because there's plenty more where that came from.

The best is yet to come, you are beautiful, fantastic, determined, and successful.

You will come out triumphant--you already are! =]


TinaDiva said…
Thank you Daisy your always right and seriously your words of encouragement means alot to me your such a beautiful person inside and out.