Hey Luvs, today I feel so emotional, not to mention sad aswell. I get moments where I just feel hideous and today is one of them. I don't know what is wrong with me besides the fact that I am depressed and I hate how I feel about my appearance right now. I just feel disgusting and it is because I hate my body at the moment. I just feel huge and I hate this feeling of being fat. I know that I am to blame so I have to be responsible for the repercussions. It just sucks and I feel beyond unattractive. I hate the way that I look and feel in clothes and this feeling has really brought my spirits really low. What upsets me most is that I have been on my diet for 10 days now and I wished that I saw a difference in my face and body but I don't. A part of me knows that I am being unrealistic and that could be where my frustration comes from. Nonetheless I am blogging to channel my pain and make light of this situation so I do not resort to emotional eating all over again. I know I need to be patient and let things happen as it did before. I am in a state of denial and I always force unrealistic expectations upon myself. I need to work on my self esteem but I just feel so vulnerable right now. I can't help but feel jealous that it is summer time and I am so unhappy and uncomfortable in my own skin and it is very apparent. Battling your own insecurities is not easy and it is a constant fight for me daily.
Thinking of the positive I am still doing very well on my diet. I have been good and I am very proud of myself. The main thing I need to work on is my workout weekly goal. Besides work I haven't worked out as much as I needed to this week. The main reason is because I haven't made the time but I know that I need to. I am really trying my best to have tunnel vision and focus on the big picture ahead and that all of my hard work and efforts will be for the greater good for the future. In several months I will feel happier and be skinnier and it will be all worth it in the end. I just can not wait to feel confident again.
I plan to join Weight Watchers on pay day. I really need the support to get me through everything I am going through right now. I am really interested in the weekly weigh in's for accountability purposes and having people to talk to and to help me. Stay tuned for updates because I will let you all know my experience with the program. Anyway if any of you are feeling the way I am feeling I found some inspirational quotes to help uplift me and it could help you also. In the mean time I am owning everything and taking it day by day.
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Love you all mwahhhhh check in with you this Sunday for weigh in week#2 :)
XOXO Tina Diva
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